One man's musings on simultaneously becoming a stay-at-home dad and relocating to a new country. May include examples of creative efforts in writing,music and photography, though more likely just irregular updates on life in Jogjakarta, and the challenges and triumphs of learning how to be the primary carer in a country where you can't speak the language.
All images, unless otherwise stated, were photographed by me.
Having trouble finding the confluence of time and motivation to finish writing the updates half done in my head. But in the interests of momentum, maybe if I just post a few photos from the story so far. Here's a couple of photos from back in February.
Kai enjoying kelapa muda - young coconut - after a swim at Rumah Budaya Tembi
Charlie rides his Skootcase through the mall on Valentine's Day.
Well, it's been another couple of months and I have failed miserably at updating my blog. A lot has happened, not least being the arrival of our new baby boy, and a three week long trip back to the homeland, from which we have just returned. I'm somewhat at a loss on what to write, as there are so many stories to tell. But perhaps to dust off the cobwebs, here is a photo from the porch out front of our bungalow, which will be home for the next two months. And I've got to say, it's good to be back.
Jogja is well known as an arts hub, but you can often be pleasantly surprised when you stumble on pop-up art. Friday's find was along a route travelled often, between ISI (Institut Seni Indonesia - the Jogja art school) and Charlie's playgroup near Kasongan. Some nameless creative has made these wooden figures and wired them to the safety posts above the river. No name, label or other obvious identifier (unless "Nowhere" is significant). Maybe they are or were for a special occasion, or maybe for an art school project. But I like to think they were put there just for fun.
I think this next one is my favourite. In the background a wood-chip and aluminium foil mannequin hangs from a roof in front of graffiti wings painted on the wall to form a human butterfly, while the wooden figure with the long arms, big feet, wide gait and sticky-outy eyes steps over a safety post. I can easily visualise this guy moving, straight out of a 3d-animated kids film.
Behind him lies this scary looking crocodile sculpture perched watchfully atop the steep bank of the river. Again, no credit anywhere I could see for the maker. Evidently just someone having a laugh, putting a rather permanent artwork here to scare the living daylights out of anyone climbing from the river below.
The floor mat outside the toilet at Wisma Bahasa language school. Just look at it for a little while. And ponder.
Somewhere, sometime, somehow, someone thought it would be a good idea to make a bath mat. Makes sense, bathroom floors in Indonesia are very wet things. But to distinguish this bath mat from the many others on the market they needed a catchy design. And why not choose - of all the many things in the universe to wipe one's feet on - why not choose tennis balls? But what really gets me is this: if you are going to depict and identify tennis balls on your bath mat, why use an image of baseballs?
Yep - according to the experts the bun in the oven is sufficiently cooked, and the new addition to our familycould arrive any time now. Officially the due date is September 11, but who knows? The baby is clearly ready, as this video from about a month ago attests..
To be honest, I'm kinda starting to freak out about it. Not in the what-else-is-there-on-the-to-do-list-before-baby-arrives way. More on the conceptual level. I'm going to be a dad. Again. Our family is now going to be four people, not three. Charlie's going to be a big brother. That sort of stuff; big picture stuff.
Until now we've been focussing more on the immediate challenges that come with having a baby in a foreign country.
The language barrier is the obvious one. Being able to communicate with... well, just about anyone Indonesian. About when they baby is being born, where, how, with whom. Doctors, midwives, concerned well-wishers. I'm relieved that Kai speaks a reasonable amount of Bahasa Indonesia, as I just don't have the language skills to understand all the questions, let alone provide meaningful answers. I can order food, ask for an provide directions, book a ticket on a plane, or train or even get somewhere in a taksi. But fat lot of good that will do me in an emergency. The idea of being unable to represent Kai's wishes and needs if anything should go wrong... that's more than a little scary. And with about two weeks to go before B-day, there's not a whole lot of time to learn.
Another challenge has been the fact that, according to the Central Statistics Agency survey from 2010, "only 1.2 million, less than one percent, Indonesian people are Rh negative", so Anti-D (look it up if you don't know) is only available by import and therefore expensive - $200+ for a shot they give for free in Australia - and finding a willing donor in case of emergency was something to worry about, now fortunately sorted.
How about finding a midwife and doctor who support your own belief in birth being a perfectly natural process, requiring intervention only when things are going wrong? That's a problem anywhere, but in Indonesia (and presumably most developing countries madly chasing their own perception - perhaps as much as 20 years out of date - of 'how they do it in the West') , it was even more of a challenge.
Thankfully the midwife part is sorted. We found an amazing bidan - midwife - based in Klaten, a town a little over an hour's drive north east of where we are living. Bidan Kita - loosely, our midwife - is a small practice run by an amazing woman who teaches meditation and hypnotism as tools to reduce pain of labour. She's rather more out-there and mystical than Kai or I, but we are comfortable and reassured with her as our midwife. Doctors - not quite. The one doctor we were recommended by a German-Indonesian couple turns out to be be very much of the 'I am the expert, I know best' model. And has all the personality of a brick wall. This doctor works at what is widely regarded as the best rumah sakit (literally, sickness home, or hospital) in town, which is reassuring, but seems to be quite at odds with the non-intervention (unless necessary) model that we aspire to. Kai has visited an alternative hospital and given it the thumbs up, but we have not yet met the doctor there who is apparently a little more in tune with our vibe.
Rencana A (plan A), as previously discussed, is for a birth at home, ideally in water. That requires a bath. A bath which we've ordered and were promised 10 days to delivery, about 14 days ago. Problems from the manufacturer's supplier, or some such. Getting nervous.
A car we have planned to have on standby for all of September, because taking a labouring woman to the hospital (if needed) on a scooter is, while comical, perhaps not a smart idea. Not yet confirmed.
Cloth nappies - also a rare thing over here.
And so on. It's these details that mean you don't really have the time or headspace to contemplate the gravity of what's about to happen.
We have done our best to prepare Charlie for big brotherhood, and I'm confident he is as ready as any child can be ahead of such a massive upheaval. His affection towards the bump is one of the sweetest things we've ever seen.
Right now we have a Dad somewhat slowly realising what's about to happen, a Mum battling Braxton-Hicks and nasty leg cramps who is basically over the whole pregnancy thing, and a fair few pieces of the plan yet to fall into place. There's much to be excited about, but we're in now rush. Besides, I haven't made enough use of baby shelf yet.
Not sure how much blogging there will be between now and the bub arriving, and perhaps expecting even less than that afterwards, at least for a little while as we adjust to being a family of four. But in the meantime, just know that we are all reasonably healthy, happy, and basically just excited. Sure, having a baby here is at times scary and challenging. But all in all we are just looking forward to meeting anak dua (child number 2).
I'll conclude with a picture of a random statue in honour of breastfeeding, which I stumbled upon not far from Charlie's playgroup. I have absolutely no idea if this is outside a village midwife or just randomly placed. But it made me feel reassured that pregnancy and childbirth and motherhood and parenthood are universal, and that as a team, our family will be fine.
Hey. How's it going? It's been a while. Sorry about that. In short, life's been good. Definitely 'living' in Jogja these days. It really doesn't feel a holiday any more. And that's perhaps the main reason I've not been updating the blog very regularly. We experience so much every single day that might be extraordinary for folks back in Australia, but having been here for six and a half months, they just don't strike us as being unusual. Because of this, I'm not really sure what I've logged on to write about. Saya tidak punya rencana - I don't have a plan. Perhaps I'll just put some photos up, in date order, and see if the story tells itself. We're coming towards the end of dry season. Counter to my preconception of the tropics, the dry season is actually incredibly dry. Hardly any rain. Perhaps two significant downpours in three months, and maybe only another 3 or 4 showers - at least, down here in Tembi. Maybe closer to the volcano in the north they get more rainfall (courtesy of the orographic effect - one thing I actually remember from high school geography!). But down here in the village it seems drier than Canberra. Consequently, the staff do spend some time watering the garden. Here's a pic of Charlie helping out, in the lush surrounds of Yabbiekayu. Here's an early evening shot from early July, of the sawahs behind out house, resplendent and green with tall rice almost ready for harvest, with clouds gathering along the mountain ridge to the east. Even in the depths of "winter", Jogja's climate is very pleasant. The dry season is a very comfortable max of low 30s by day, down to overnight lows of low 20s and even occasionally mid-to-high teens. Certainly colder in the middle of the night than in wet season, but not noticeably so during most days. Right now, at 9:30pm on 22 August, I'm sitting in the house with doors wide open, the breeze drifting in from the sawah, in shorts and a t-shirt. The weather app on my phone says the current temperature is 25 deg C, with an apparent temp of 27. There have a been a few nights where I have been cold, and needed to drag a light blanket over the top of the thin sheet that is our only other covering. A couple of times I even needed to turn the bed fan off, too. Dingin - cold! One thing's for sure: the Facebook posts from back home of mornings clocking in at -8 degrees C sure don't have us rushing to get back! One thing we are definitely missing is cooking. The joy of a home cooked meal here cannot be overstated, as it is drastically less frequent than back home in Canberra. The food from warungs and even restaurants is so incredibly cheap here, it is actually more expensive to buy ingredients and cook yourself. But when we do, it is like eating happiness. Pumpkin soup, chicken casserole, spaghetti bolognese, even simple cheese and salad sandwiches are a sure-fire cure for the blues. Here's Charlie helping his Mum prepare corn fritters. And here he is, enjoying home made banana 'ice cream' - nothing but pure frozen banana put through an ice cream maker, sprinkled with Milo. Tropical climate dessert awesomeness. As you can probably tell, Charlie is doing really well. He has settled in comfortably here, and to my knowledge hasn't yet requested to go "home" to Canberra. He spends his weekdays at an the amazing playgroup we found a couple months after we arrived. It's a Waldorf model playgroup (or Steiner, for those more familiar with that name), so the guiding principles are learning through play in a natural environment. Other schools we looked resembled concrete playgrounds with welded metal play equipment and a rather rigid teaching structure. I'm sure the 8am Monday English lesson and the 9:30am Wednesday maths lesson are excellent - but our son is 3 and half years old. Getting covered in mud and building a sailboat out of half a coconut shell, a piece of bamboo and some material off-cuts is what we see as being more important at this stage in his development. So this playgroup (named Kulila, in Kasongan) is ideal. Non-exclusive religiously, with children from a range of nationalities (many with one Indonesian parent), it is a place for Charlie to learn and grow and play with other kids, in a forest-like garden rather than a concrete one. He loves it and we love it. Here he is, playing with two of his playgroup buddies, and helping one of the gurus (teachers) move the wheelbarrow. When Charlie's not at playgroup, we sometimes find it a challenge to entertain him. In Canberra it was easy enough to just jump on the bike and ride along a nice bike path to a nearby park or playground. Jogja doesn't really have parks. Or bike paths. Or playgrounds. Not open aired, free-to-use ones, anyway. There are plenty of shopping malls, many of which include a kids play area for which a ticket costs the equivalent of about $3 AUD - rather expensive by Jogja local standards. But worth it for struggling parents. These play areas are invariably obscenely loud, crowded, and all rather similar. And he's usually the only white child there, sometimes resulting in his being showered in attention from other kids, especially slightly older girls who like to mother him - which is both good and bad, as I will perhaps discuss in a separate post.
Another favourite way to occupy an hour or two is to put him on his green bike and ride around the village. Sometimes he stops to play with other kids, but as often as not he's happy just riding around and finding driveways or slight inclines in the road, so he can go naik, naik, naik (up, up, up) and turun (down). Here is a picture of him riding his green balance bike, which he's very nearly too big for now.
It's not all about Charlie though. My wife is doing well with all of her endeavours. She has completed her language immersion semester at UGM (Universitas Gadja Mada), and is now focussed on her Midwifery honours year by correspondence with Uni of Canberra back home.Well, that and growing a new addition to our family. Hardly surprising to those who know her, she is excelling in all these pursuits. While it has taken a while to put all the ideas together in a structured way, the insights gained through being immersed in this very rich and different culture coupled with her own first-hand perspective as an expectant ex-pat mother and western-university-qualified midwife in Indonesia are providing a sense of direction for her thesis. The pregnancy and our experiences are worthy of further explanation in a later blog, so for now you'll have to settle for a photo of my lovely wife, glowing at about 7 months pregnant.
I could perhaps talk about my own experiences, but this post is already getting a bit long and I need to leave something for future episodes! In the interim, here's a selfie of me in my new(-ish) specs.
And a funky retro car, just because Jogja's cool like that.
And finally, a photo I took of a bird house, sunflowers and a view across the sawah to the south of the Yabbiekayu bungalows. When you stop and remind yourself that you are living somewhere else, you notice again just how beautiful the place is.
So one of the reasons I bailed out half way through #100HappyDays was because some of the things that make me happy take longer than a single day. For example, making music. Those of you who have been following my adventures to date will recall my posting a link to a song (or track) I've made over here, the first I've finished in a very long time. Given one of my hopes in being here was to tap into my creative side a bit more, it was a thrill to finish something and share it with the world. Added to that thrill is the inspiration that comes from Mike Monday, a former DJ and music producer who now runs a program called Start Now Finish Fast. The program is focussed on helping electronic music makers get past the many barriers, real and imagined, to success and increase their output and enjoyment. The tools this program equips you with go far beyond just making music, but rather any pursuit you set your mind to, really. Any of you creative types should really consider checking it out. But in short, we learn by doing, and essentially fail our way to success. In order to increase my efficiency, I made the decision to purchase a Push controller, for use with Ableton Live music making and performance software, which I have been using for around 8 years now. They were having a sale, and I decided somehwat spur-of-the-moment to bite the bullet and get one.
The package awaiting payment
of import tax. Biro for scale.
For a minute I regretted the decision. Despite my best efforts, including enlisting the help of an Indonesian local, there was no information to be found on the internet to help determine import duties on bringing this gear in to Indonesia (thanks for nothing, Indonesia Postal Services). Turns out to be around 35% - on a package weighing 4.2 kgms and valued at $USD 500+. Total import tax of about 1.75 million idr - about $AUD 160. Youch. A few pics of the device below.
Charlie can't keep his hands off the pretty lights.
In short, this is a music creation tool, with the coloured buttons used to play and sequence drum sounds, or play musical scales using a very clever grid layout, as pictured above under Charlie's stubby little fingers. I wasn't sure just how much this would speed up my workflow. But I can tell you now, it is significant. I won't bore you with the details - feel free to ask if you are interested. But suffice to say, I made what I think is the best piece I've ever done in about half a day (not including another day spent mixing and polishing). Making music has never been so quick or fun. Anyway (tl;dr) - below is a link to my first creative effort using Push. It's still far from perfect (he says after every thing he ever does!), but if Mike Monday's advice is true, then this is a pretty sweet failure on the way to a win. It's a progressive house club track, so if that's not your bag feel free to tune out now. But for those who don't mind it deep, dark and long, turn off the lights, chuck on your headphones with some decent volume and let this take you for a ride. Cheers
In the southern tourist part of town, Jalan Prawirotaman, there is a funny old character named Bapak O'Om. Not sure of the spelling, but it's pronounced 'Oh-ohm'. We've met him on previous trips, as he goes from restaurant to restaurant, bar to bar, offering massages to the patrons for a small fee. And while he rubs head, face, neck and shoulders, he delights in talking of his family, especially his children, of whom he is incredibly proud. He's one of the true characters of Jogja.
Here he is, massaging my wife, bringing her as much joy as the Via Via bakery cheesecake we shared shortly afterwards. Conversation with Pak O'Om of course focussed mostly on his family, and ours - especially the new addition. He is incredibly confident he knows the gender. And in September we find out if he was right.
I have no idea what is written in the dirt, but in a country known for its zero tolerance policy on drugs, painting this name on your truck seems a little overt.
I think I'm going to bring this 100 Happy Days thing to a close at 50. Mainly because I see it more as 100 Interesting Days - and not every day is interesting. That doesn't mean they are unhappy - just not worth writing about. And consequently updating this blog daily has become a bit of a chore, which is not how I want it to be. So I think what I'm going to do from now on is just post interesting things in the main blog part - sometimes short entries, maybe longer ones every now and then, and pictures where I have ones worth sharing. How's that sound to you?
Halfway through this #100HappyDays affair, and not great at keeping up with it. But I must say, I am sure that it works. Having motivation to seek out the positives from the crappiest days does make me feel overall more happy. Stayed up to watch the Socceroos last game in the World Cup 2014, against Spain. As expected, we went down convincingly to Spain, and without the confidence that veterans Tim Cahill and especially midfielder Mark Bresciano inspire in the younger players, it was still a gutsy match. Happy to be able to support my team, even if they don't win.
The wife and I took a car out to Klaten, rather than riding a scooter like the previous trip, and while it was a little more expensive, it was certainly a wise decision from a comfort perspective. We met Ibu Yesse, who seems to be pretty much exactly the kind of midwife we want. She was perhaps a little reserved with us, but maybe she doesn't work with many bule. And she has had to fight to keep doing what she does, with much resistance from people here who are still unable to consider that a hospital birth isn't the best option for some people. Anyway, Rencana (plan) A, home birth. Rencana B, got to the clinic in Klaten if Ibu can't be at the home birth for any reason. Rencana C - Rumah Sakit (Hospital), if there is a need to seek medical help. A big relief for Kai and I.
Not much to write about here, as I ended up dreadfully sick after the wedding (and no, I don't think the alcohol was to blame). But the breakfast with friends at Mediaterranea (before they were even officially open for the day) was great. Being this sick reminds me to appreciate health when I have it.
Went on a mission looking for replacement DJ headphones, as my 15 or so year old Technics RP DJ 1210s have finally given up the ghost. Rode to the biggest music store in town, only to find they had just one pair, a budget model that just felt cheap and flimsy to me. No deal. Then went and met the wife who graduated from her Indonesian university course. Yay! Jumped on a scooter together and rode 30-odd kms to Klaten, to meet the midwife we are hoping will catch our baby. She does home births and follows a "non-intervention unless necessary" model. Too bad she wasn't there, having gone to Jakarta to catch a baby there. Still, the place was quite nice and homely and well equipped. Much nicer than a hospital, for us, anyway. Then rode all the way back. Despite the sore bum and no headphones, today was a good day.
I mentioned at the start of the month (days 28 and 29) that I'd been spending some time working on music here and there. I wasn't ready to share the fruits of my labour back then, but after a couple of sessions over these two days I feel a bit more relaxed about it. It's a dubby/reggae style track, inspired somewhat by the popular reggae soundtrack of Jogja heard in many of the city's bars. Not sure I'd call it "finished" - but what creative project ever is? I had a really good time making this, learnt a lot, and enjoyed the challenge of making something very different in style to anything I've ever made before. Now it's time to put it out there and move on. Enjoy!
Every weekday I drive through a little town called Kasongan on the way to and from Charlie's playgroup. It is known for ceramics, but also has a bunch of funky art, furniture and interesting home and garden ware stores. Today I took Amy with me so I could show her some of these shops after dropping off the wee man. She found some cool stuff, and bought a funky memento of her stay. Here's some examples of the cool stuff on display:
Spent a bit of time catching up with Amy. Was really nice to speak face to face with a dear friend from back home. It's easy to forget, living in a country where you don't speak the language and spending a lot of time with a three-year-old, how important adult company really is.
A dear friend from back home came to visit today - so great to see you Aims! In the afternoon, we had a storm roll in and lost power - not unusual here - just as I started preparing dinner. There's a certain charm to making a homely meal like pumpkin soup by the light of flickering candles.
Rockin' mini-festival on in the village we are living in over the weekend. DJs on Saturday, Bands+DJs on the Sunday. Pretty wild for usually peaceful Tembi. There was much to like, especially the diverse mix of funk, electronica and house on the Saturday night. But one thing that surprised me was, being in the tropics, the market stalls selling vinyl records among their tapes and other merch. I was not expecting these two gems in the record collection. I regret not handing over the cash, but I don't have any means to play them over here.
Yep - I got up at 3am (Jogja time) to watch the opening match of the World Cup. Brazil vs Chile. And my fear of commentary being in Indonesian proved unnecessary, as the very second they cut from the Jakarta studio to the match, presto - Bahasa Inggris! Happy boy. (no picture - nobody looks pretty at this time of morning)
My many requests regarding where to watch the World Cup (soccer) had so far only yielded non-specific results - if any result at all. "There will be lots of places showing it" was about as good as I got. No idea where specifically, or which matches, or with commentary in what language. Eventually one of the staff here suggested buying a TV tuner and antenna. I knew from my earlier raspberry pi experiments that our host's TV/PC monitor had a tuner built in. Just needed an antenna. Our friendly electrician heard my plea, and went off to the shop to buy one. Expecting a small "bunny-ears" antenna, imagine my surprise to see him rigging up a massive bamboo pole to mount a much larger external antenna on! Now have two free-to-air channels showing the games in the comfort of my own (borrowed) living room. Price - 150,000 rupiah, or a bit under $AUD15.
Seriously - is my son cute, or is my son cute? Here he is all dressed in red, about to jump on the sepeda motor (motor bike) to go to playgroup. Once we got there we met this cute little squirrel-ish creature. Not sure exactly what it is, but the cat had dragged it in. It was very young, still eyes closed, and clearly somehow lost its mother. But the playgroup took it in and have been doing their best to keep it alive.
The son continues to amaze us every day with his rapidly advancing mind. He's three years, and about four and a half years old. And can count to over 100 in two languages (over a thousand in English!), sing songs in Indonesian, and is already showing an ability to read and write. I've never been a parent before - perhaps this normal, I don;t know. But he certainly amazes me. Only 9 (or maybe 10) of the letters on this page were written by his mum. The rest - all Charlie.
I accidentally took this photo in our bathroom, playing around with depth-of-field. I like how this turned out (without any editing at all).
When I corrected the camera settings, here is actually what I was trying to shoot.
We had a final breakfast together with the grandparents. Charlie amazes everyone by perusing the menu, and confidently requesting poached eggs and juice.
On returning to Jogja, the can of Beer-That-Is-Not-Bintang someone left in the fridge was certainly a nice welcome home present.